INTRODUCTION BY PAUL HOCHMAN
I first met Louise in 2006 while working at BarnesAndNoble.com. We had a fabulous lunch at a Greek restaurant in New York City to celebrate the publication of STILL LIFE. She signed my copy of the book as follows:
“For Paul, such fun undermining St. Martin’s together”
Little did we both know that just four years later I’d join St. Martin’s Press/Minotaur Books and, together with Louise and the wonderful “Team Penny”, we’d undermine the publishing status quo and rocket Louise’s books to the top of the Bestseller Lists!
Gamache Series.com, the website you are now reading, and the Re-Reads initiative was originally conceived to promote THE LONG WAY HOME so to say I have a certain connection to this book (and all of Louise’s novels really!) is to say the least! This website – a community really – with an enormous amount of content and connections was built on the back of THE LONG WAY HOME.
The really unique thing about THE LONG WAY HOME Re-Read is that it was led by readers just like you, in real time, at the point of publication. Now – I doubt it – but if you haven’t read the book yet, beware, spoilers lie ahead!
RECAP
The Re-Reads initiative was initially launched in the lead-up to the publication of The Long Way Home. After the book was published, readers came together once a week on GamacheSeries.com to discuss the book, ten chapters at a time. What you’ll read below includes many of the insights from those readers.
Ch. 1-10: From the opening chapters, readers point out that this book is very different from previous books in the series. After all, How the Light Gets In ends with what feels like a natural conclusion: the internal struggles within the Sûreté du Québec are resolved, Jean-Guy gets the help he needs and marries Annie Gamache, and Armand and Reine-Marie retire to Three Pines.
The Long Way Home opens on the bench in the Three Pines village green. Armand has been sitting at the bench every morning, holding a book – The Balm of Gilead – but not reading it. Clara has taken to joining him. As they sit, Clara wonders why Armand never seems to read his book. Armand wonders if Clara has been sitting with him because she pities him – or because she needs something.
After some time, Clara tells Armand what she’s been struggling with: the year before, she and her husband Peter, also a painter, had separated. Before he left, they made an agreement that they would have no contact during their year apart, but on the first anniversary of his leaving, he’d return to discuss their relationship. But it’s been a few weeks since that day, and Peter still hasn’t come back. Clara is worried.
The neighbors gather for dinner, and Armand tells Jean Guy – who still can’t bring himself to call his new father-in-law anything other than patron – about Clara’s concerns. When Clara finds out, she’s furious at Armand: a fury that readers found frustrating and disrespectful. But Gamache, thinking Clara might not want his help after all, is relieved.
But she does need his help. When Gamache asks Clara why Peter left, she tells him that he was always supportive of Clara when she was struggling, but wasn’t supportive of her after her success. As Clara’s career took off, Peter’s plateaued.
First, Gamache pays a visit to Peter’s mother, Irene – a cold woman – and her husband, Bert Finney – a kind man. The couple has art all over their walls, paintings from the finest Canadian painters, but none by either Peter nor Clara. Neither have heard from Peter recently.
Doing their due diligence, Gamache and Jean-Guy check Peter’s credit card records, and find that he’s traveled all over the world – Venice, Paris – in the year he’s been gone. One place in particular stands out as unusual: Dumfries, Scotland. But the records also show that he returned to Quebec City recently, just four months ago.
Clara and Myrna travel to Toronto to speak face-to-face with Peter’s siblings: his brother Thomas, and his sister Marianna. Neither have heard from him either.
And Clara meets with Peter’s siblings to see if they know anything about Peter’s whereabouts. At his sister Marianna’s, we encounter Bean: Marianna’s child. Born out of wedlock, Bean’s gender identity is a mystery that Marianna refuses to share with her family, out of spite – though the readers in the comments speculate that Bean is a girl.
Ch. 11-20:
Clara and Myrna visit the Ontario College of Canadian Arts, where Clara and Peter went to school. They meet with the charismatic Professor Massey, who tells them Peter was recently there, but that he doesn’t know where he went after he visited.
Here, we learn more about Clara’s time at OCCA: she spent most of her student years as a bit of a reject – her art was shown in Professor Norman’s Salon des Refusés – until Peter, who was more conventionally talented and popular, noticed her.
Gamache and Jean-Guy go visit Dr. Vincent Gilbert in the forest to ask him about Paris. Later, in the Garden with Reine-Marie, Clara, Jean-Guy, and Myrna, Armand says he thinks Gilbert and Peter were drawn to the same place in Paris: LaPorte. The Door. A community created by a priest to serve children and adults with Down’s syndrome. Vincent Gilbert volunteered there, hoping to find himself, and the theory is that Peter did too.
In these chapters, commenters point out, a new side of Peter begins to emerge. Clara realizes that the paintings on Bean’s wall weren’t Bean’s, but Peter’s first attempts at painting something with feeling. “Peter Morrow took no risks,” Louise writes. “He neither failed nor succeeded. There were no valleys, but neither were there mountains. Peter’s landscape was flat. An endless, predictable desert.” Perhaps all of Peter’s wanderings were his attempts to find himself.
Marianne sends the paintings to Clara. Commenters point out that Clara feels a twinge of jealousy, looking at them. Where Peter used to only paint with muted colors, the new paintings were bright and colorful. Suppose they weren’t abstract, Gamache wonders? Suppose Peter was painting what he saw?
The Dumfries, Scotland question is still outstanding. Gamache calls the Police Constable in Dumfries to ask if there are any artist colonies there. Constable Stuart couldn’t think of any artist colonies, but did say they had gardens. Gamache sends him a picture of Peter’s painting, and Stuart recognizes it: he had painted The Garden of Cosmic Speculation.
Later, Constable Stuart asks around town about the garden. An old man, Alphonse, tells him about a time he went to shoot hares there. He sees a large hare, who stares at him, unmoving. And then behind that one, he notices 20 others. And then notices one turn to stone in front of his eyes. Back in Canada, Armand notices a circle of stones in the photos – a stone circle not visible on the garden’s official website. One commenter pointed out that the garden reminded her of Peter, straight lines and geometric shapes, but with a little magic thrown in.
Ch. 21-30:
Peter’s paintings continue to reveal new meanings. Clara and Armand look at one of the paintings in a new perspective, and see an image that they recognize: The St. Lawrence River.
They travel to Baie-Saint-Paul, a tourist destination near Charlevoix, where a meteor had hit millions of years before, creating a natural ecosystem unlike anywhere else in the world. Readers point out that just like the Garden of Cosmic Speculation, this is another “cosmic” location. Is there a reason Peter was drawn to both?
There, they split up to visit galleries, but no one had seen Peter. In their search, they meet a man named Marcel Chartrand, who runs the Galerie Gagnon, showcasing the works of Clarence Gagnon (you may recognize one of Gagnon’s paintings from the cover of The Long Way Home!) He introduces himself and offers them a place to stay, since all of the hotels were full. He knows Peter: Peter had spent many hours in the gallery back in April, and had ended up renting a cabin down the road. But he left before the summer, and Marcel does not know where he went.
However, Chartrand gives Gamache another clue towards Peter’s whereabouts: Peter had asked after No Man, someone who ran an artist’s colony in the woods. Was it No Man – or Norman? Could it be the same cruel Professor Norman who set up the Salon des Refusés at OCCA?
To find out more, Reine-Marie and Ruth go visit Professor Massey – who seems quite taken with Ruth – to ask him about Professor Norman. Massey says that Norman believed in the tenth muse: that there was a muse for art. Massey says Norman was eventually fired for being insane, and for creating the Salon des Refusés, a gallery for failures.
Massey doesn’t have any photos of Norman – in the yearbook, instead of portraits of the professors, students chose to feature a piece of each teacher’s art. The self-portrait by Professor Norman was wild, a portrait of insanity, and the signature on the art did not say Norman, but No Man. Had the pursuit of the tenth muse turned Norman mad?
Back in Baie-Saint-Paul, the group is unsure whether they can trust Chartrand. How connected to No Man’s artist colony was he really? Was he a former member, returned to Baie-Saint-Paul after the colony folded? Or how about the owner of La Muse, a brasserie in town – was he a former member? Jean-Guy asks around and finds out the man’s name is Luc Vachon, and that he did, in fact, live at No Man’s colony for a few years.
In these chapters, commenters point out that it’s not just Peter’s personal journey we are watching in this novel. We’re also seeing huge changes in Jean-Guy, too – in his calmness in sobriety, and in his acceptance of the villagers he used to disdain.
Although Clara is officially in charge of this investigation, Gamache goes to the police station, where the agents recognize him from the previous year. There, he meets Agent Morriseau, who tells him that No Man’s colony was a cult. Quietly, Gamache asks the agents to arrange for sniffer dogs, to check the area for any bodies.
And then Chartrand asks them if they’d like to stay at his home that night – not his apartment above the gallery, but his remote home in the woods. Clara says yes.
Ch. 31-end:
At Chartrand’s home, the villagers continue to inquire about No Man. Was he simply the leader of a commune – or was it a cult? Chartrand says he lectured there. Was he invited in, as an outsider – or was he already there, as a member?
Jean-Guy finds out where the owner of La Muse goes to paint: a remote village called Tabaquen, which means “sorcerer.” The only way in and out of Tabaquen is by boat or plane, so the villagers purchase tickets to fly, and at the last minute, Chartrand buys a ticket to join them.
The plane ride is harrowing, and the pilot points out that artists typically arrive by boat – but that neither option is a smooth ride. They show the pilot a photo from the art school yearbook, of Peter and Professor Massey, and ask him if he’s seen Peter. He says yes.
Clara then asks the pilot to land in Sept-Îles. She wants to retrace Peter’s steps as he would have done it, by boat. Jean-Guy wants to get to Tabaquen as quickly as possible, and is sick of following Clara’s lead. Gamache reminds him that they’re here to support Clara, nothing more.
On the ship, the Loup de Mer, there are two cabins. Thinking it would be the bigger cabin, the men take the Admiral’s Suite, which is barely big enough to fit the three of them. Gamache asks the porter about Peter, and the porter says he recognizes him. That he watched him closely on his journey, to be sure he didn’t jump from the deck. Meanwhile, the Captain’s Suite, where the women are staying, is luxurious.
Gamache recalls something from the flight: when the young pilot said he recognized the man in the photo he showed him, it wasn’t Peter he recognized. It was Massey who he’d flown to Tabaquen the day before.
The sniffer dogs found something suspicious, a substance buried in a container: it was asbestos, found along with the canvases. Whoever would have handled the canvases would likely die, eventually, from inhaling asbestos. The principal of the college confirms that asbestos was detected in Professor Massey’s office. Had Norman sent his asbestos-infected paintings to Massey in an attempt to slowly kill him?
After traveling through tumultuous waters, the river eventually flattens to glass and they arrive in Tabaquen. Clara stays in town – unsure of what they’d find – and Gamache and Jean-Guy head to No Man’s cabin. There, they find Peter sitting on the porch, looking unkempt. And inside the cabin, they find a body: Professor Norman. Peter says that Norman had sent him away, and when he returned he had found him dead. Luc, from the brasserie, had been there too – but Peter had sent him to call for help.
Here, Gamache realizes that he had everything backwards: it wasn’t Norman adding asbestos to his painting to harm Massey, but the other way around. Massey had been sending him asbestos-infected canvases for years, because Norman was a threat.
And here, Peter asks Gamache if Clara had seen his new paintings, and what she thought about them. He has changed: her opinion is all he cares about now. Peter tells Gamache that he wanted to return home to her, but before he could face her, he wanted to confront Professor Norman for what he’d done to her back in school. But when he arrived, the old professor was sick, and Peter stayed on to care for him.
“The tenth muse is not, I think about becoming a better artist, but becoming a better person,” Gamache tells Peter.
But meanwhile, there’s the issue of the dead professor. Thinking the killer would be Luc, the group heads back to town. But in town, they find Massey, holding a knife to Clara’s throat. “I love you, Clara,” Peter says, as he takes the knife for her.
Commenters seem to agree that by the end, Peter had become a brave man in a brave country – a man finally worthy of Clara’s love.
FAVORITE QUOTE
“Fear lives in the head. And courage lives in the heart. The job is to get from one to the other.”
CONCLUSION
What an amazing journey revisiting my friends from Three Pines in the pages of THE LONG WAY HOME. I can’t believe it’s been eight years since the book was published (and this website was launched!) and almost twelve years since I started working with Louise!
The activist and journalist, Ella Winter, once said, “Don’t you know you can’t go home again?” Thomas Wolfe would then use the quote to entitle his posthumously released novel YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN.
I, however, in the spirit of Ruth Zardo call bullshit!
Of course you can go home again. Even if it’s a long way home. We, as readers and lovers of the World of Louise Penny, are fortunate enough to go home to Three Pines every year!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- Clara first approaches Gamache with great ambivalence: wanting (though fearing) to
know what happened to Peter, while reluctant to disturb Gamache’s newfound peace.
How did you feel about the decisions they both make at this point?
- “I thought he’d come home,” Clara says of Peter. Did you? How did your view of him
change in the course of the book?
- What does it mean to you to be a “brave man in a brave country”? How does courage—or
cowardice—feature in this novel?
- On the first page of the book, we hear about Armand Gamache’s repeated gesture, “so
tiny, so insignificant.” What is the true significance of this and other seemingly
inconsequential actions in this story?
- What do you think of Ruth’s role in this story? For example, consider the scene in
Massey’s studio, where she “seemed to have lost her mind. But found, Reine Marie
thought, her heart.”
- Both Peter and Gamache’s father, in a sense, disappear. What is the impact of this kind of
loss on Clara and Gamache? Have you ever experienced anything similar in your own
life?
- There is so much about art and the creative process in this book. How do we see that
unfold in the lives not only of Clara and Peter, but also of Norman and Massey? For example, what do you make of the Salon des Refusés? What do you think it meant to the
artists themselves?
- What roles do creativity and acclaim (or obscurity) play in the lives of both Clara and
Peter? In their marriage? Do you believe that Clara and Peter’s marriage could have been
saved?
- Louise has sometimes talked about the importance of chiaroscuro — the play of light and
shadow — in her work. What are the darkest and the lightest points in this novel? What
are some humorous moments, and how did you respond to them?
- Peter’s paintings look completely different from different perspectives. How does that
apply to other characters or events in the story?
- In Chapter Six, Myrna observes about jealousy: “It’s like drinking acid, and expecting the other person to die.” How does jealousy play out in the lives of various characters here?
What effects have you seen it have in real life?
- How does Clara’s quote from one of her favorite movies, “Sometimes the magic works,”
play out in the story?
- While a number of Louise’s books end in unexpected ways, the conclusion of this one is
particularly shocking. How did you feel as you were reading it, and what do you think
when you look back at it now?
- In some ways Clara’s quest to find Peter recalls such classic journeys as The Odyssey and
The Heart of Darkness. What are the most significant discoveries the central figures in this novel make along the way?
1,022 replies on “Series Re-Read: The Long Way Home”
The reading group guide is up with good questions. In one interview LP mentioned that she planted “seeds”, I think she said, for use in later books. She has since used some and would bring others in in later books. I have noticed that with other authors and know she has done this too. I wonder if anyone has noticed what might be a seed in TLWH. I can only think about Chartrand. That isn’t really a seed maybe but a certainty. I don’t read nearly as closely as some.
It’s not a seed specific to this book, but throughout the series Jean-Guy’s family has been conspicuous by their absence, though he has warm memories of his mother and his grandparents, and his mother is still living. But there was no mention of her at the wedding, or of her coming to the hospital when he was injured. And his father is never mentioned at all. That’s something I hope we learn more about. Also, I hope that in future we will learn more about Ruth’s late husband. He must have been a very special man to have appreciated a brilliant and difficult person like Ruth exactly as she was. Or maybe they had a troubled marriage that helps explain why Ruth is the way she is. Either way, I’m curious.
Hi Three Piners! The Reading Group Guide is now Live: http://gamacheseries.wpengine.com/the-long-way-home-reading-group-guide/
As is a terrific chance to win a signed, first edition of STILL LIFE: http://gamacheseries.wpengine.com/still-life-signed-first-edition-sweepstakes/
I awoke after a few yours of sleep and saw the lights were on at the Bistro and came in my night gown with my own cup of tea. So glad I did. Thank you Anna for taking the time to help me turn the page on that chapter of my life at the theatre. I finally have clarity on what actually happened. I had never thought of it that way. I’m especially touched that you guided me through that, even while dealing with your own present-day pain. I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you, ‘it’ll be OK, you are not the only one facing the helpless feeling of not being capable of caring for one who cared for us. That does not make you a failure or a coward. It makes you a deeply caring daughter who simply does not have the training to meet the physical demands of your mom. There is a reason people who work in that field have special training. It’s not part of a daughter or son’s curriculum in school. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can but, especially if you have a 13 y.o daughter you need to care for her too. Simply too much. But look at the wonderful example of caring you are modeling for your daughter when there are people who put the elderly in a home simply because they don’t want to be bothered.
You earn an extra feather in your Angel Wings. ‘Love they neighbor (mom) as thyself’. We seem to forget the ‘thyself’ part of that statement. And know that there are many at this Three Pines who love you and support you.
And Barbara, although I didn’t see your posts prior to the discussions of this book, I’ve seen your writing bloom from your earlier posts in this book’s section. I’m so glad you no longer feel the problems of no ‘eye contact’. This is more like contact of the heart.
I too would like to offer my gratitude to all involved in creating and participating in this little ‘Village’ which is not in any map, but exists in the hearts of those who stumble on it and choose not to leave – who find a home here. As Anna said, ‘a place where kindness and caring exists’.
Love to you too Millie. What you wrote about seeing the lights on in the bistro and pottering in dressed in your night gown with a cup of tea………I felt that and it made me warm and I smiled for the first time today. Then I read the rest and blubbered but that’s ok. Thank you so much for dropping by when needed. Like Barbara being awake……you were both a sight for very sore, red eyes as I sat by the bistro fire. I feel now we are on the sofas and arm chairs, feet up on ottomans, fresh cups of tea….enjoying the quiet and absorbing the peace of the place and the friendship. It is so lovely.
Paul, you would have had no idea when this started how important and needed the book club would become. Who could know. I didn’t know when it started that on one of the most emotional days of my life that it would here I would find comfort. How extraordinary. Be proud Paul. Whatever inspired this idea, it has evolved beyond anything imaginable. I know I thanked you but 🙂 again.
😉
That made me smile too!!
When I read that Millie had wandered in with her own cup of tea, I got a lump in my throat – it’s as if Myrna has just arrived, as I know she can just wander in without going outside… By now, we’re all drifting in – cups of tea or coffee at the ready – another wonderful day in Three Pines. Isn’t it great how we can all get the best seats by the fire? I’m looking at the price tag of this chair and seriously considering taking it home with me!
Anna – I feel so privileged to see how this community has gathered for such a difficult day for you – and that you were comforted. I know it can be hard – my mum was in assisted living (a very nice place) for the last few years of her life, and she resisted mightily. Only my younger brother was anywhere near her, however, and he and his wife both had to work, so couldn’t be there for her all day, which she really needed. It took about 3 months, but she grew to be very happy there, and made a lot of new friends. I know it was the right place. When I visited her there, I would stay with her in her tiny apartment, and could see that all was well. She had a good routine – enough privacy and enough society. She’d had a series of small strokes, and the irony is that, after those, she was much more pleasant to be around. I think she forgot that she was supposed to be mad about something, and just let things go so much more. I’ve tried to remember that lesson – she was happier, and so were those around her.
Anna, you are in a very difficult stage of life. You have to believe you have chosen wisely. I’m not going to burden you with the stories of what my sister and I experienced with widowed aunts and one who never had married. I had Daddy living with me and my husband then Daddy fell and 5 weeks of horror ensued. I destroyed my health with constant hospital vigils with Daddy. He came home for a three weeks between visits where I almost forgot what sleep was. Remember no matter what you must not forget yourself. Damaging your health would not be what your Mother wanted and would serve no purpose. I blamed myself for the fall and have only last year forgiven myself. Daddy died on Good Friday 2000.
I love the posts about the Bistro. They’re right. We’re there with you. Don’t forget… You are permitted to laugh even now.
Thank you everyone for sitting with me by the fire when I needed you. Thank you Julie and Barbara for sharing your stories. Mum and dad have been living with me for four years but the last few months and the last fortnight have taken their toll with no sleep. Mum has Alzheimer’s so to hear about Michael and Louise’s start on that journey has resonated.
Most importantly thanks for the permission to laugh, I know you understand I needed that.
No as for those seeds…..I can see so many areas where we could get great character development as you guys have already mentioned. I like the idea of RM the detective! And of course Ruth. I suspect Myrna still has tales to tell too.
I can imagine Lacoste is going to need help and Jean Guy is going to step up. But are there actual clues to what the problem might be? What about beyond Three Pines? Any trouble been brewing?
Hmmmm – I think of some of the seeds dropped as bread-crumbs that will eventually grow into a full loaf. Some of the ones I’d love to see realized is the hare and rabbit, stone and real juxtaposition. I, too, think that Bean will soon be ready for a story – perhaps where we find out his/her sex. Scotland -Dumfries and the Garden of Cosmic Speculation – love to see Clara visit there and have her own epiphany… There ought to be some meaty stuff around Jean-Guy, as has been discussed – and maybe also Dominique – what drew her to the misfit horses she rescued… Finally, I’d love to know more about Gabri. He’s probably my favorite villager. His heart is so true and full of love, and he is so comfortable with who he is. Given how different he is, that can’t have been easy for him – I’d love to know more about his upbringing. Though I won’t be able to stand it if it turns out he’s murdered somebody, so…. maybe I should let sleeping dogs lie, hahaha. Ruth – there’s lots to explore there – but a lot of her charm is also the mystery about her. Annie is still not fully realized in my mind yet, either – or Daniel. There’s lots to choose from.
I’m sure that Chartrand will be back in the next book – I can only hope it’s just for a short time – I don’t know why, but I cannot warm up to him.
Yes, Millie, exactly….a contact of the heart.
Yes Paul, thank you and Louise. Most of all thanks to everyone who popped in to the club and everyone who sat outside listening but didn’t speak.
My Pleasure, Anna.
Hear, hear.
Paul, as you know this site has evolved into something much more than a group of people discussing books. To me it is something of a phenomenon. This is a result of the power of Louise Penney’s words. She has created characters we have come to love and make a part of our lives. With her words, she has brought together a group of diverse yet deeply connected people.
I don’t have the words to express exactly what I want to say. We call ourselves Three Piners and speak of meeting at the Bistro. We feel the spirit and sheltering care of the village.
Ms Penney is not only an outstanding author but has an exceptional understanding of people and touches our souls.
Thank you to all who have made our community possible.
It’s been beautiful watching you all connect, Barbara.
such true words, Barbara.
Love to you Barbara, you may not be but I am glad you were awake tonight and now of all times. It means so much. Doesn’t feel far away. Feels right here, thank you.
You didn’t miss it, I just haven’t said anything. It’s been too hard.
Anna, I was surprised to read that you are in a difficult place in life. You have been s(o helpful and encouraging to everyone. I would have thought you were sailing along on calm waters. I missed that didn’t I. Your help and encouragement mean even more because you reached out to others while you were in a bad place yourself. May tomorrow be better. Perhaps I should say today as it is 3AM here. Husband is really snoring tonight so I finally gave up on sleep. Caring thoughts to you from an ocean and a continent away.
Whew! What a busy two days. No ‘Knowlton Duck Festival’ as Ms Penny had the pleasure of attending, but good.
OK, here goes in no particular order. (I see now how/why some posts go uncommented: it’s hard to jump back in!)
BARBARA, thank you for saying I had “nothing to apologize for. So glad you became a Three Piner. You are you know.”…
So I won’t apologize for doing what Ruth said one shouldn’t do in Chapter 31, p 277:
“Don’t get me wrong, I believe in using your head. But not spending too much time in there. Fear lives in the head. And courage lives in the heart. The job is to get from one to the other.”
I spent too much time in my head, got scared and ended up sounding like Gabri in How the Light Gets In, Chapter 28, p 239:
“What are we talking about?” asked Olivier…
“Me,” said Gabri. “Me, me, me.”
JULIE: I had to ask my husband what was Hotel California. I am so grateful that there is now Google, Wiki, YouTube… He just knows where to look, And I’m grateful he no longer asks, “You’re kidding, right?” Tho I’m not sure I really ‘get’ or like the song, I do get what you were telling me. And thank you for saying, “You are integral to ‘us’ now… 🙂
Thanks to you too, LINDA, for your, “If you leave ‘we’ shall surely cry.” As my husband is fond of saying, ‘Let’s not and say we did’… Ironically, it was he who taught me it was OK to cry but then blow your nose and carry on. 🙂
LIZZY, you have no idea how much it meant to me when you said, “But it’s my problem, not yours.” I think you’ll understand in a bit… For now, thank you! 🙂
And now, just for you, Miss ANNA. I said I wasn’t going to apologize so instead I shall tell you a story. It may not brighten your life, but hopefully will at least distract you while going through your own difficult time.
I mentioned, somewhere, I had been a member of a community theatre board of directors in another lifetime. (That was OK. There was no pay.) I was good at writing press releases, publicity, marketing, fundraising, even producing. Even helping costumers, set designers, builders and set dressers. That was FUN. Go shopping with someone else’s money and redecorate every few months… Opening night felt like giving birth – for the benefit of those who have never had children: you are so relieved it’s DONE and so happy it’s alive and people are clapping. Seriously tho, it is a joyous feeling to have ‘put on a show’. There is also a sense of ‘we can move on now’.
Then the time came to elect new board members to replace those whose tenure in a certain position was approaching. When it came time to select a president, the vote had only one nay. Mine! Seriously? What do you NOT want me to do so I can take on the tasks of madame president? I was handed the keys before the gavel closed the meeting.
Turns out I was good at it.. And I read. Books on holding a board meeting, books on running a non-profit, books on running a theatre. 😀 I was not only good at it, I enjoyed it. Tremendously… until one day.
I received a phone call from a member who had been on the board for much longer than I. She asked if she could please stop by my house, she wanted to tell me something and wouldn’t take too much of my time. “Of course,” I said.
She arrived, I prepared tea, and she began. She told me she was going to step down from the board because she felt ‘stupid’ around me.
“Why?” I asked. “Have I done something to embarrass you?”
No, she just felt that she had been at the threatre longer than I, and yet I she didn’t understand what I did… But, but… No, it was also my choice of words, my this, my that… And she left.
LIZZY, that’s why I was ready to leave. I didn’t want anyone else to feel like that. And that was why your words of it not being my problem meant so much. BUT, Lizzy, please, always remember there is a HUGE difference between being stupid and simply not having had training in writing or whatever. I did in a way. Lots of essays during many years of schooling. My path. My husband whose path was the sciences, could not write a decent essay to safe his life when I met him, yet listening to him speak entranced me. Lizzy, we all have different ways of expressing ourselves. Sooooo….. in the word of an author I did not have the pleasure of growing up with:
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter.” -Dr. Seuss
Good night, all.
Millie – Hotel California was a part of my misspent youth, and I couldn’t imagine anyone liking it who wasn’t part of the whole experience, hahaha. I never expect rock songs to make any sense – and I’m sure someone, somewhere has written an entire treatise on the deep meaning, but to me, it’s a cute tune, and a lyric with a hook. The only part I was invoking was the “don’t leave” part!
Millie, some people mistake time served for self education and improvement. You worked and studied hard on the theatre board so you could do the job to the best of your ability. The other woman could have done the same if she felt she was lacking in some way, or asked for your your help. Instead what she heard was your improvement and growth and ideas was emphasizing her inadequacy. It was unfair of her to lay her departure from the board on you, it was her problem and her choice.
When we don’t own our choices and deflect blame to others we don’t grow. The trick is not to let our own propensity for introspection and desire to accept fault, paralyse our own growth.
Every time we say, I’m not good enough, we have to work out whether it’s true and what we can do about it. That’s what you are doing. It’s what Gamache was doing having counseling with Myrna and reading his father’s book. Examine our perceived failings, real or not, and work out the way forward.
Of course this is all easy to say and less easy to do.
My darling brother, best friend and 13 y.o daughter settled my poor mum in a nursing home today because I was too emotionally and physically exhausted to do it. It’s absolutely the right thing but of course I feel like a coward and a failure even though I know intellectually it had to happen and she is in a nice place. But the tears still keep coming.
Thanks for coming back Millie. Thanks to everyone for creating our own Three Pines which, as Louise Penny said, is the place she goes when she wants to be kind. It’s the place I have been coming to see kindness displayed.
Anna, I too have been where you are today. It’s a difficult decision to make and so difficult to do. There will be difficult days, but there will also be days to treasure. Be very aware there are many who came before you who can and will be willing to help, just don’t be afraid to ask. There are many who have never read Louise Penny who are still Three Piners at heart.
Millie, thanks for sharing your heart and story. It was an encouragement.
Anna, hugs to you. I am a nurse in an assisted living. We also have a dementia unit. I love working with the families and helping their loved ones transition. My goal is to bring smiles to these dear folk who have lived lives as we are now loving and to keep,their dignity as their aging bodies begin to betray them.
Here’s a funny about Hotel California. I got stranded at the Denver airport. Finally got a connecting flight to my destination in Montana arriving at 4 am. We finally hooked up to a rental car and drove off to find our hotel. Our luggage was lost, and we were exhausted. We finally pulled in at 5 am to grab a room and shut eye. When we got out of the car, the motel,had music piped into the parking lot and Hotel California was playing. We just stared laughing. What else could we do!
Love that story, Lizzy – can hardly believe you had the strength to go in – I’d have been cowering in the parking lot, I think, hahaha.
Julie, if we weren’t so exhausted we might have turned away! lol
Thank you Linda and Lizzy for the kind support. It is a difficult road to navigate. I have looked after her for four years full time and it is hard to let go…..I so appreciate your and everyone’s support. I will leave a message in the reading guide thread for you too in case you don’t pop back here…..just don’t want to distract from the discussion. Yes there are Three Piners everywhere even if they don’t know it.
Anna,
4 years is a long time. We took care of my mother in law for 1. She would throw knives at me. She locked my daughter and me in the basement. Our kids came to my husband and me and said that they could see us changing before their eyes and we were so full of stress. So we put her in a facility. It was the best but I still felt so guilty. What helped was one day she was very lucid and asked why she was at our house. We told her we loved her and were going to take care of her. She became very adamant about not being a burden and that we should put her in a nursing home. That was the only thing that helped. I admire you and support you.
Wow Lizzy. That must have been a difficult year. My mum is two people, one lovely and cuddly, the other angry and paranoid. It’s so much easier to care for the first. I am so glad you had permission in that moment to place your MIL. Unfortunately my mum never wanted to go to a home. She worked in one. I think now she thinks she is at work at times.
Yesterday was good. Today is tough. It will get better. The place she is has a heart thank goodness.
You are so very welcome LIZZY. You are what I call “an angel on earth”. Thank YOU for being one of the kind souls who cares for our aging loved ones when our own hearts are breaking. My godfather / uncle, who recently passed, had dementia as did a younger uncle, as does my own dad now. Last evening I found out my godmother is dying in a hospital… Too choked up to participate much in the questions page just yet. But like ANNA needed to pop in the Bistro and give you a hug for what you do for the world – for us with aging family.
Big hugs Millie. I know what you mean. I have been finding it hard to involve in the discussions at the moment. Made an effort yesterday but just sitting quietly by the fire right now. Sit with me and have a cuppa and I will hold your hand.
So sorry to hear you have so many sad tales. I do understand.
Want to hear some good news. Yesterday was awful with mum but she had a good night, saw the physio today, thinks the dining room is like a restaurant and is much brighter and happier. There are good days and bad days but there are good days. Every little good thing looks brighter after so much darkness lately.
I hope you can feel the warmth of the fire and the comfort of the tea and company. Never alone Millie.
And I agree Lizzy, you are an angel. The work needs more Lizzys. We have met some at mums home and they are helping us so much. Know that families like mine need what you do so much. Thank you
ANNA, the warmth of the fireplace, and knowing there are angels among us must have given me the grace to relax and actually get a few hours of sleep. Much needed. I hope you felt our love wrap around you even if not our words. I find it interesting that more than one of us who have parents, loved ones with dementia, or a form of it, find the comfort of ‘this Bistro’ so especially important. Ms Penny is right, in many ways it is not something that someone not experiencing it can understand. The heart wrenching sadness of seeing the beloved person who took care of us, helped us grow, is now the child we must nurture? To see the mind that opened the world, the universe for us now doesn’t always remember our name?
I take refuge when hearing some of Ms Penny’s interviews / conversations on video where she says her husband sees the world with joy. If this is any help to you, Anna, I think of my dad sometimes as being a naughty four year old in a grown body. He gets into so much mischief when no one is watching… 🙂 That helps. What doesn’t help is that they live so very far away. If you can, try to take comfort that you can visit your mom any time. It breaks my heart when I call their home and hear my dad ask who mom is speaking to. When she answers, “It’s Mily, I’m talking to Mily,” I then hear my dad say, “Ah! Tell her I give her a big hug and ask her if she can come visit me…”
Well, I’m not doing a good job of helping you laugh or even smile, am I? But if you can, find comfort that you live close to your mom. It will get better and easier for you. For now I’ll just wipe the tear trickling down my cheek and hold your hand. I’m sure you’ll join me as I bless Ms Penny for opening the dialogue of dementia…
Perhaps in a few days I can discuss the the thoughts about the light and dark of painting you were interested in. I see they haven’t gotten there yet on the questions thread.
And thank you PAUL for allowing us to go ‘off topic’…
There is no ‘off topic’ among friends, Millie.
Millie, I absolutely felt the love and I wish to give it back as well. I am glad you were able to sleep a little. When we are tired everything is so much worse. I do appreciate that I can be with mum and we have found a nice place for her. It is so much harder for you being far away from your dad. But, you can only do what you can do. I love the image of the mischievous four year old. My mum can be so funny and cheeky. She is ok tonight. I went and we tucked her in. My daughter was dancing and doing funny things and it helped so much.
I had my mum in ER once and she said “What’s that thing that is wrong with me?” And I said Alzheimer’s and she said, “oh, that’s right, I forgot” and started laughing at what she had just said. Then she would keep asking me, “What’s that funny thing I said?”. She laughed about that for ages. Those days are gone but it reminds me of her sense of humour.
My sister lives over your side of the pond. She is finding this really tough as she wants to be here. I understand how tough that can be.
It’s so nice though, after these emotional days, to come back to the gentle quiet of the bistro at night. Think I might have a liquorice pipe and Gabri has a tray of hot chocolate for us.
Paul, you are a lovely person. Sit a while and watch the fire with us…….can I get you a liquorice pipe too?
Yes please, Anna. Thanks! 😉
Done! And a nice glass of port perhaps?
My husband and I visit several caring facilities each week with our therapy pets. It’s so important for families to know that we see their loved ones getting good care, getting hugs, smiling, singing. There are so many good caregivers!
oh my, Millie! You are too kind. It’s what any of you would do. I’m sorry to hear about your Dad. It’s such a long journey, a long good bye. I think from what I’ve seen, that it is harder on us, then them. Once they cross that line and are on the other side so to speak, they don’t realize as much. But we still remember them as they were. I’m so sorry about your godmother. Hugs and prayers to you.
I do love the idea how this is the bistro and we can some in here any time, in any form of dress, and be welcomed. We can warm our hands on our hot mugs as we warm each others hearts.
And it’s always open…….how can we keep it open Paul?
Julie, I’m glad that you mentioned Gamache being willing to go into the darkest rooms in his mind to confront what is there. I think that is what Clara was doing when she told G. that she had wished Peter dead. She trusted Armand enough to tell him what was in one of the darkest rooms of her mind. Maybe airing it will help her later. A thought is not an action. I was not disappointed in Clara when she admitted that thought to Gamache. Anna said, “The desire to be rid of problems is natural.” Exactly! Thoughts are not magic and examining thoughts that alarm us, even shame us, can strip them of their power, I think. I hope this makes sense. I lost a post about this earlier. It was possibly more coherent, but it’s GONE!
I think you are right – it IS good to confront what’s there, and if we were judged on our thoughts, I’d be in big trouble, hahaha. It was really strong of Clara to be able to admit it. It’s not that I’m judging her – it’s more that I worry about her judging herself later.
KB, What a gift! I read many years ago that some people are gifted in aiding the passage of others. I agree with the Indian Shaman who told Meg’s sister that it is an honor to be at another’s passing. You are blessed.
I not surprised that “life” sometimes keeps us too busy to get to everything. I still remember working 8-10 hours, rushing in the carport door, putting down my handbag and preparing our evening meal after which I did laundry. No children, just a hungry husband to be fed. I have to say I enjoy the more leisurely pace of retirement…..except when I get too greedy and try to participate in all the activities I am interested in, in our town.
I hope the time comes when you can nurture your creative side.
I’m anything but a “baby whisperer”. In my arms, a happily cooing baby turns into something else entirely.
Julie, earlier I checked out your website but not the “freebies” since I don’t stitch. After reading about the alphabet and your friend’s death, I went back and looked at them. If Doris, a dear friend, were still alive, I would be sure she knew about them. Her work was beautiful. A treasured possession is a bookmark she did for me.
Doris enjoyed Halloween very much and I thought of her when you said your friend’s year round designs were Halloween themed. Doris would have enjoyed them.
I’m so sorry that you have lost your dear friend, Barbara. But she lives on in your heart, that’s plain.
I’ve loved that song for a long time. Thanks for the thoughts, I’m glad to hear someone else’s take. It will be in my mind all day as I process your comments, not a bad thing! To add another piece, I first heard the song on an episode of West Wing, when the President and one of his cabinet were shot. An inspired choice, do you think? Makes me think of Jean Guy and Gamache.
YES!!!!! I loved that show! Thank you, CS!
Meg R – You have put into words my discomfort with this book and The Brutal Telling. Thank you for that. Despite that, I am still a devoted reader because of the richness of the characters, the humour, the community, and the moments of grace that I have not experienced with other authors – not even the ones you mentioned. There is something about Ms. Penny’s writing that resonates spiritually for me. It can touch the soul.
Millie – I was one of the people who was “absent”. It was not you – or the others who have been more active. It was life interfering – job, hockey tryouts for kids, and battling the flu. I love that so many people in this group have aspirations to write. That speak to me too. I have long felt that I’ve abandoned creativity for the drudgery (and sometimes joy) of practicality. My work has been intellectually satisfying but not spiritually fulfilling. My family is wonderful, but there is so much busyness…. It gives me hope that one day I will find the time and the courage to celebrate the creative side of myself again. Thanks to all of you for that.
It did strike me that the group has become much less of a strict discussion group and more like a group of friends in a book group with munchies and wine. Sometimes the discussion about the book is at the forefront, and sometimes it is in the background as friends catch up with each other.
And, Barbara H., I was known as the baby whisperer in my family. Somehow, it was easy to figure out how to calm their distress and ease them to sleep. And I seem to have that same gift with family members during their passing to the next life.
KB,
Yes, I DO like and enjoy Louise’s 3 P’s and Gamache circles of characters tremendously, and her humor, and her interactions between characters. I sometimes just wish that she’d stick to them, rather than feel the need to add a murder to the mix. I used E. George & PD James as examples off of the top of my head as writers who smoothly interweave character threads with integral crime ones smoothly. That’s all – not a preference of one set of characters over another. Just feel they do the integration more smoothly.
A last note. about whisperers. My youngest sister, who has three grown children of her own, seems to have been endowed with the magic touch to calm and put any baby to sleep too – sometimes to the dismay of infants mothers! :~D (maybe big boobs to nestle against is part of the draw.
Although many folks would dread being with someone at the moment of death, a Navajo shaman told another sister that being present with another at that moment is one of the greatest honors and gifts that can be bestowed on both the dying person and the one present with them. It is very difficult to say to someone that you love very much, “It’s okay. You can let go.” – when you long to selfishly keep them with you as long as possible. But, at the same time, on realizes that the other’s suffering shouldn’t be inflicted any longer. That moment of passage marks you, leaves an impression on both your heart and soul that stays with you forever. You are a gift and blessing to your family.
Meg you might enjoy this interview with Elizabeth George. My husband sent the link to me this morning when he finished one of her novels. Interestingly one of the comments is that Elizabeth explores the darker side of human nature. Whereas Louise explores “How the Light Gets In”. Two aspects, two parts of the same whole.
http://www.elizabethgeorgeonline.com/articles_interviews/WRT-A0607.pdf
Anna,
Thanks for the article. Have been an E. George fan and reader since her first Inspector Lyndley book. Was surprised to discover that she was born not too far across our adjoining state border!! For some reason or other, I always thought her roots were in the west coast or Great Britain.
You state that “. . . Elizabeth explores the darker side of human nature” ( –from very first sentence of the article you cite above). Whereas Louise explores ‘How the Light Gets In’. Two aspects, two parts of the same whole.”
Have found that heartstrings have been wrenched by what both of George’s main characters have had to face, accept, recover and move on from. Looking at “darker side” doesn’t mean that George is incapable of creating great empathy for these two in her readers and only looks at darkside stuff!
I’m not sure I agree with your statement above. Both authors look at the ‘darker side of human nature” – otherwise, we’d see no murders in their tales. Maybe George’s tales carry stronger motivations for crimes because she also is certified in psychology/psychiatry? – one of them. Think some people confuse meaning of Leonard Cohen’s phrase which Penny’s borrowed and overused all through out her books. “How the light gets in”.
Well – here’s Leonard Cohen explaining the meaning of this phrase:
Interview 1992
(from “The Future Radio Special”, a special CD released by Sony)
“About the meaning of the chorus …That is the background of the whole record, I mean if you have to come up with a philosophical ground, that is “Ring the bells that still can ring”. It’s no excuse…the dismal situation.. and the future is no excuse for an abdication of your own personal responsibilities towards yourself and your job and your love. “Ring the bells that still can ring” : they’re few and far between but you can find them. “Forget your perfect offering” that is the hang-up that you’re gonna work this thing out. Because we confuse this idea and we’ve forgotten the central myth of our culture which is the expulsion from the garden of Eden. This situation does not admit of solution of perfection. This is not the place where you make things perfect, neither in your marriage, nor in your work, nor anything, nor your love of God, nor your love of family or country. The thing is imperfect. And worse, there is a crack in everything that you can put together, physical objects, mental objects, constructions of any kind. But that’s where the light gets in, and that’s where the resurrection is and that’s where the return, that’s where the repentance is. It is with the confrontation, with the brokenness of things.”
Cohen isn’t saying at all that Optimism, cheery faces/people are the opposite of the “dark side of human nature.” He’s saying that we’re all imperfect. (Go back and look at lists of such in ‘Anthem’ song lyrics that come before the chorus!) – that we personally can only ‘let the light in” when we not only recognize our own imperfections, ‘sins’, weaknesses – but also then take the responsibility of attempting to change/improve those things. We illuminate our own faults by shedding light on them by self-reflection — and by having that ‘wattage’ grow as we make attempts at redemption/improvement. (Isn’t this what our Peter attempted to do in LWH?)
Being able to look at the worst in humans while also being able to look at ourselves and our own responsibilities are not polar opposites. They’re two totally different processes/actions. Does this make any sense?
I’m always reminded of a frequent statement in the books that Gamache was not afraid to look in the darkest rooms of his soul (or something to that effect). That he was willing to do that for himself, helped him to find the solutions to other evil, in the crime-du-jour. That said, I think that the books are more about good than evil – or rather, that a person who immerses him or herself in evil (such as a Surete inspector) can still have an overriding character of good, and can still see the good in others as clearly as the evil.
I do think you can’t have good without evil. And I do that that E. George focuses on the darker side, while L.Penny focuses on the good, in the end.
While Ms. George was born in Ohio, she was moved with her parents to California when just an infant. She grew up and was a teacher in California for many years. Her last book afterword notes she wrote from Whidbey Island, Washington.
She does blend her murder with her character development in quite a different manner than does Ms. Penny. Frankly I’m glad for the difference. I do prefer variety. I do love her characters, and enjoy my visits with them though they always make me feel a bit chilly. It would make for an interesting vacation with friends but I would hesitate to live there without a fireplace.
If I were to compare Ms. Penny to another favorite author of mine it would be to Maeve Binchy with large dollops of Agatha Christy. The characters are rich and multi-layered. I laugh, I cry, I have an adventure with friends in a place I’d like to live. The murder may not be so intricate, but I love that there’s good twists an some unexpected turns along the way.
I’m a pretty worthless critic. If there are parts of a book I don’t care for I follow the advice of my first beloved librarian, I turn the page and move on. If I find I’ve flipped through too many pages, I do as someone jokingly suggested, put the book down and back away. ;-/ I’ve never felt the urge to do so with any of Louise’s books.
I like the ebb and flow of her words. I like how there’s always something she writes about that I look up because it was new to me and I wanted to learn more. Were there some books I liked better than others? Yes. But each actually seemed part of the whole.
Thank you. I was unfamiliar with Leonard Cohen and his music. I finally looked up “That’s how the light gets in”. I had not done so earlier because I was turned off by the repetitious use of the idea in the books. I had never heard it before. I’m so glad I looked it up at last. I so enjoy all I am learning here.
Yoicks! Sure missed proofreading on this one! Omitted letters, Too many smoothlies! Ran out of coffee!
Thank you! There are several, (who am I kidding?) SO many comments I want to express by gratitude towards, but today we are celebrating my elder son’s 30th birthday and I simply don’t have time other than to just say thank you for the warm embrace and I’ll be back.
Millie, I just woke up and got an awful shock by what I was reading. I’m rubbing sleep from my eyes and trying to scroll and figure out what happened. Still not entirely sure. I hope you have a lovely day with your son and the family celebrating.
I haven’t been saying much of a personal nature because life is soooooo hard at the moment. I actually went through several books where I missed posting so there are lots of reasons people might lurk and not say anything. I hope they are having fun reading and I hope they chime in. I always worry a bit if we miss commenting on someone’s post but sometimes they are complete in themselves and I have nothing of value to add. I am sorry to anyone who feels left out if that happens but please don’t think we don’t want you if it it does. Stuff gets missed sometimes.
Being empathic is both good and bad. You feel but sometimes you feel so much it can be scary or easy to talk yourself into thinking that you got something wrong. I shall call you Silly Millie if you do that.
Bring yourself and your stories and brighten my life please cause I am crying most of the day except when I am here and now I can’t see what I am typing through my tears……
Anna – this is so sad to read! I’m so sorry that life is so difficult right now. Please hang in there and please keep coming back and talking with us all… You have the uncanny ability to cut right through an issue to the heart!
Thanks Julie. Means a lot. I’m a bit leaky at the moment. X
Millie if you leave we shall surly cry.
Boy – I go to bed over here on the west coast and wake up to all kinds of things going on! Millie – please don’t even begin to think that this is “our group” and not yours! You are integral to us now – sorry – like the Hotel California, you can check out anytime, but you can never leave… 😉
I had to go look up empath, and realized it’s also one of the traits listed in the gifted adults article that Anna had us go read. I have always felt that way, too. I remember it as being a bit of a burden in jobs, because there were inevitably conflicts, and I always could empathize with all sides of any issue, which of course, made me useless in figuring out what to do. Two people over in the corner would have a fight, and I would burst into tears! (a slight exaggeration).
This group has been astounding for me – so many things in common – perhaps this is who self-selects to participate in a public forum about something they care so deeply about. Many people are lurking, as they said, and it kind of broke my heart, too, to see somebody say they didn’t feel as intelligent as others. I know for sure that I feel that way too (what is WRONG with me, hahaha) but I go ahead. And I think I talked it to death enough for you all to know that I was really worried that I was posting too much. Basically, I think we need to see that each point of view is perfectly valid, which we have been doing. In explaining our own, sometimes, we’ve convinced others that we were right about this or that, but for the most part, I think we just helped each other see all the nuances in every part of the book.
When you think about conventional book clubs – they meet maybe once a month, and at that time (in between bites of cheese toast and glasses of wine) they discuss a whole book. In sweeping generalities. We’ve spent the whole summer together in a book club that was constantly in session, and discussed every aspect of every book in a whole series that is very much interconnected, so we’ve been discussing a single story in lots of ways. That’s a lot of examination – and a lot of introspection. It’s been so fun, but it has also drawn us close together.
I’m so sorry, Millie, that life for you is so challenging right now – I know that saying goodbye to your loved ones is so hard. I agree that you should read light fare right now, to keep your spirits up. I used to use “movie therapy” when I was going through my divorce. This was the worst time of my life, and I was sad for months. I watched movies that uplifted, that showed strong women, that made me laugh, or made me cry (for the cathartic effect). It helped. I had so much going on that I couldn’t read fast enough to get help from books in the same way. I’m still a very slow reader. But in an hour and a half, or so, I could get the benefits from a movie. I know it sounds weird, but it helped me tremendously.
I think this group is amazing. I love coming here every day to talk, to think, to laugh. I laughed when you called Gamache dumbass in your very best Ruth voice, Millie!
Julie there is nothing weird in what you say. Movie therapy is absolutely a great way to go.
Movies and books are a great way to ‘step outside ourselves’ for a while but they have to align with our current emotional tone. If we are down we need uplifting or a place to disappear to for a while so we can leave our own burdens behind. We don’t want to be confronted and challenged necessarily. But, everyone is different and finds what works for them.
Good thing with movies is you can can still listen if you are weeping and they do wrap up in an hour or two. Books can be hard with sore red eyes and they take longer as you say.
Oh Millie!
That was my comment. ( I couldn’t directly reply as there was no button thingy).
Please don’t feel that way. I LOVE everyone’s pondering sand rumblings. I’ve dealt with and deal with insecurity all my life and some times it wins.
You all have wonderful things to say. I’m one who finds it hard to put my thoughts into words. So it’s my problem not yours.
Keep on posting!!
You too Lizzy. Good think about here is you can take as long as you want to digest something and write when you have it sorted. Reflective thinking is a good thing.
I second this! As you said, there was no “reply” thingy for Millie’s post but I love her contributions. Please keep adding info.
When I was thinking of the commonalities of this group, I never thought there might be those that were so much deeper than the more obvious ones I mentioned. Then I began to suspect there may be more. No wonder I’m so devoted to this group.
Amen, Barbara.
Millie, I’m back now. All caffeinated for the day. You are going through a rough patch it seems. Yes, please take care and nurture yourself. Grief and the dread of impending loss is such a drain both physically and emotionally. Being able to feel the awful grief of others adds another facet. I feel my sister’s grief over the loss of her husband every day. Sometimes it is too much. Not to be foolish, but because I care, may I suggest that you read lightweight funny books. They have helped me at times and my dogs have always been comforting. I am so glad you became a Three Piner. You are you know. Your posts are important to me. Good thoughts to you, my friend.
Millie, I just read your later posting. I had read the one I just responded to and dropped to the Reply section. I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. I truly love your postings. I read the one you refer to but didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say. As far as “this was your group …..”, That isn’t the way it is. I am not sure I’m saying what I feel and want to say. I’m writing this having had less than one cup of coffee. Let me get some more caffeine and I’ll post later.