The Bistro

The Bistro

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Join us here in The Bistro for a discussion on the entire Gamache series. Feel free to ask or answer any questions about any of the books or the series as a whole.

3,660 replies on “The Bistro”

Sorry to hear that Barbara. Maybe you will pop by later. We always love your company and I had so any questions to ask you about things.

Visiting with my mum. The horrible thing about Alzheimer’s is the slow dissolution of identity. Hard to hold on to who you are and where you belong when you lose your memories. Our memories connect us to the world.

I was watching a show called Forever. You may know it about a fellow who can’t die. The episode was all about family trees and trying to find our broader connection to the world.

I wonder if we will find out more about Ruth’s history and connections in the next book. How we will we feel if we get to know her better. Some of our interest in her is her mystique.

Leaving the Bistro for now. Will probably join in discussion of The Nature of the Beast and will definitely follow the site on book locals This has been the most interesting group I have ever observed. I doubt I’m the only one who thinks that. Good thoughts and best wishes to all.

True! There’s a tiny frog that only thrives in Puerto Rico. No bigger than a thumb and they make a distinctive sound at night that I like. It’s almost transparent. and I’ve seen brown frogs or are they toads? So many fascinating creatures in nature.

Thanks for the link, Anna. It had been some time since I had read If. The first time, was shortly after my husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage. He brought me a big poster of If but hand wrote, you’ll be a woman, my spouse. He must have seen my struggles with sense of identity. I didn’t see that connection till you pointed it out here.

I like how Kermit the Frog put it, “it’s hard being green…”

Out of curiosity Barbara is it ok if I ask how long your family has been in the US? I am fascinated by such history. We Australians love history but for all of us, non indigenous, if you go back further than 1788 our history is from somewhere else.

As I said before, no one has really been in Australia that long except the Indigenous population who have been here 40-60 000 years! As a nation Australia has only been around since 1901, before that it was six separate colonies. By that reasoning my maternal grandparents were not born in Australia as they were born before Federation. They were born in New South Wales.

That is one of the reasons ANZAC Day is so important to Australians and New Zealanders. The military who fought in WW1 fought for very new nations (NZ was very nearly an Australian state by the way). Gallipoli was a battle where our new nations were tested in the fire. Even though they lost, they found honour. A lot of our national pride derives from that loss….do you find that odd? I like it. I like that we are defined as much by our attitude to our failures than our successes. The battle may have been lost at Gallipoli but the soldiers found pride in how they faced the battle.

I think some one else quoted Rudyard Kipling’s If before. That whole poem speaks to identity.


There is fortunately an unending supply of tissues and hugs in the Bistro!!

Putting things into isolated words without the body language makes communication so tough at times. That’s what makes being a writer really tricky. Although there are enough challenges in communicating even when you can see a person!

I was thinking about some of the things you said Barbara. It is enormously tricky to develop our identity if we feel troubled by what it is in our racial, community or family history, especially if that means we have trouble feeling proud of who we are. In Louise’s books it is so interesting to see the Franco and Anglo identities and the struggle to hold onto them. In writing my book for whatever reasons, I kept thinking about the German identity and the struggle to live with a past that included Nazism. To be Catholic is no picnic either….the Inquisition, the Irish troubles, the lack of inclusiveness! Whatever history we have I bet we can find things that are hard to reconcile with who we are now as individuals. And yet we deserve to proud of the beings we are. I see nothing but kindness and acceptance and love in this community…..misunderstandings are just part and parcel of being human people!

Amen. I can’t help but think of how difficult it is to navigate the waters these days – we have a real crisis of race going on right now in the US – to the point where I feel like we have had a new horrific event every day for weeks! But I also think of my best friend, Becky, who is married to a man whose parents are very proud that their children are 100% Chinese blood… Becky’s daughter has had many issues, mostly with how she is perceived, and Becky was shocked to find that Natalie was angst-ridden in part because she is identified as “Asian” by her peers. These kinds of things are heartbreaking to hear and to deal with, and I’m so sad to see it.

I didn’t grow up in America, but I love it here. I love Americans, though I don’t always love how some of them act. I still believe we can find a way through it all… We all just need to keep talking…

Julie it is heartbreaking when we can’t figure out that who we are as a person trumps external features. I think identity is important but it is also the source of so much angst.

In reality a lot of problems arise when those who struggle with their own identity seek to strengthen it, not by working out who they are, but by stigmatizing what they determine they are not. It actually has nothing much to do with colour, race, culture, religion, etc. they simply pick an identifiable feature and demonize it to make themselves feel stronger. Kids do it in the playground. I don’t like so and so because she wears glasses or he eats smelly sandwiches!

It’s important to work out who we are and be comfortable and happy with it, warts and all, or else we may be tempted to belittle someone else to make ourselves feel better. I do hope Natalie can learn to be comfortable with who she is, because she can’t be anyone else, and then it won’t matter what other people think. It’s hard though, when the desire to be different comes from the ideas of some of the people who should accept her no matter what.

Hug yourself and hug your family and learn to say, what I am is better than ok!

To Barbara and all,
My sincerest and deepest apologies for wording my intended compliment so poorly that it caused pain and offense instead.

My intent was to say I felt A sence of belonging, here. I had that feeling of belonging when involved with community theatre and thought I’d never feel that again.

My comment about the numbers not spelled out had a wink after it. 😉 I thought it was funny how sometimes little things bother us because I was taught that, grammatically, one ‘should’ spell out numbers 1 through 9.

As for my enchanted place comment… I was feeling envious of my perception of you having been blessed to ever live in a community that was so loving and accepting! I did not. And I did not mean it as an assault.

Unfortunately, I did not think before putting fingers to keyboard, that my words could be interpreted differently than what was going on in my heart. But please believe I never intended to ‘put words in your mouth’ or insult your intelligence or have you feel uncomfortable in any way.

I guess my intended message can be more simply stated as, Thank you. Even though some of the comments about what you all like to read make me doubt anyone here would like whatever I end up with, I have gained the courage here to at least try.” That was how I ended the post: “I love you more.”

I am truly sorry. Time for me to get a tissue…

Big hugs to all.

I love Numbers too by the way. Another show where the relationships were very interesting. I love how the boy’s father was living his life independently to his children’s horror at times! Isn’t it funny how we only get old on the outside!!

Oh dear Barbara. These are such sensitive issues. I am absolutely certain no offense was meant by anyone. I know we were talking about terms used in different countries and I think it is very different how people identify who they are and where they come from.

In America and Australia being born in the country does give you citizenship but it doesn’t guarantee you identity. That is what I take from this discussion. What is so interesting is how we come to define who we are and that is such an evolving process.

It is indeed a tricky process when we struggle to find identifying labels for ourselves let alone anyone else. We certainly don’t want to offend! Let me tell you a cute little story.

When Erin was in Kindergarten she was telling me about her day and one of the little boys in her class. I was trying to work out which boy she was talking about as she couldn’t remember everyone’s name. She racked her brain for an identifying feature or two. “He is the one with glasses mummy!” She finally said triumphantly. She pointed him out the next day. Yep he had glasses but he also had very dark skin, unique among her class mates. I loved the fact that she didn’t “see” that!

Millie, I do not need to apologize for the length of time my people have been a part of this country. I have stated before that I belong to no heritage organizations because some of the members think that being a member of this or that means they are superior to others in some way. I did not choose my heritage. When I read the comment (in the newspaper) made by some who live here in Augusta and come from other parts of the country, I get very upset at the unfairness of it all.
Oh, before I get blamed for something else let me say that I wasn’t being a racist when I used the designation of African-American. It is considered correct as the group chose the designation. By the way, I don’t like to be called white because some people use it as an insult. I think being called Caucasian is odd. If I ever think of what I would like my designation to be, I’ll be sure to say.
More later……..maybe. I have enjoyed your posts and……oh never mind.

Julie, did you ever watch a TV show called “Numbers”? FBI agent with a younger brother who was a math genius. My hubs and I loved it because of the interaction between the brothers and their dad and the other Agents. They were good ‘who done its’ but interestingly enough, when one of the Agents left the show, we lost interest for a while. The show’s final episode dealt with a ‘happily ever after’ resolution to the main characters finding love mattered more than their jobs. Loved it.

I was worried about you since you hadn’t dropped in lately. Sorry to hear that you are in a bad time.
We loved Numbers.
I just searched back to see what I had written that caused the Not writing out the number comment. I was shocked that I had not typed what I thought I had said and evidently had not reread before posting. We were discussing pet peeves and I intended to say that I did not like ads that said something like “just4you”. My error.
I did not ever say that I thought all Americans were treated the same. I would have had to be mentally challenged to think such a thing. I will accept someone taking issue with me about something I actually say or do. I am a flawed person as is everyone but I protest at the putting of words in my mouth. I said that I thought being born in America meant that a person’s nationality was American.
NO I did not grow up in an enchanted place. I am not some unaware silly goose.
I’d better post this now before I make another error and cause it to disappear. I also need a tissue.

I loved that show. So did my husband. Of course, Vern watched because he liked Rob Morrow, and I watched because I thought David Krumholtz was very sexy, hahaha. Still do, but of course, the people I find sexy, many others just find strange, hee hee. It’s been awhile, and I do remember a main character leaving, though can’t quite place it now, and of course, also remember the happily ever after.

Downton Abbey, my husband lost interest after episode three. But he would look at me and say, “You weren’t kidding that your Uncles and Dad held on to ‘old world’ beliefs regarding a woman’s place!” Not that they had anywhere near that kind of wealth or property…. But they did have housemaids before deciding to move to America – the political unrest got to my mom… Others followed a decade later. As others, Maggie Smith & the costumes are why I continue to watch.

Hello all. Just realized it’s only been four days since I popped in. Feels like forever but I t’s been a tremendously difficult four days for me. The 11th was the fourth anniversary of one of my Uncle’s passing and finding out my dad had dementia… I fell apart emotionally, rearranged some mental pictures and pulled my scattered pieces back together. There’s a great acient quote I like (can’t remember who first said it, though),
“Everything is different and nothing is different.”

That’s how I feel. Outwardly, nothing has changed. Inwardly, I’m a different person. I looked at so many things that I chose to accept as truth about myself, my abilities and discarded those that no longer serve me. Some will still take a more intense Soring Cleaning… Took a deep breath and plunged head first into the world behind the characters that have been waiting patiently for me to ‘tell their story’ for the past 18 years. And I found the place to start their story. My ‘chapter one’, which I wrote four days before my dad passed away, comes much later in the ‘story’. I now have very rough ‘compass points’ of enough scenes and how they weave in and out for the entire Part 1 (with apologies to Barbara for not writing out the number 😉

I panicked a bit when I read many of you don’t like to read stories where there are nasty people and even considered reworking my ideas, but stopped myself.
1: Nancy, you haven’t met my extended family! LOL I’m sometimes called upon to be ‘mediator’ between sibling or cousin ‘disputes’, shall we say. I can see both sides and help them change ‘perspective’. We’ve talked about how a small shift in perspective can change how we see things a lot in this group…
2: Barbara, you must have grown up in an enchanted place to believe ‘anyone born in America was considered American’. Just ask one of my younger first cousins! And she is blond, fair and has hazel eyes. Plus I spent a lot of my youth in a big Northeastern city. It is not (to be fair, let me change that to it WAS not) “the City of Brotherly Love” as its motto proclaims. No idea if it’s any better now. No desire to go back even for a visit. I lived there in the 60’s, before the Civil Rights movement… No, not everyone born in America was treated as an American there. So you can probably imagine how someone not born in America was treated. Even though I had dual citizenship till I was 21.
3: Anna, my family in America still uses the 1st, 2nd generation designations…

Anyway, here’s a number four: Julie, I want to apologize for snapping at your comment, ‘all you had to do was let it out’. I appreciate your thought-filled response. My only excuse is that it touched a nerve. I’ve been struggling for 18 years ‘to just let it out’… And now, thanks to all of you, something magical is happening in my life. The novel, my novel, is coming to life! Right after I started participating in discussions of TLWH, I mentioned it was hard for me to join groups…
I’m so glad I joined this one! Below is a link one of my old theatre friends sent me today as a reminder that although we all miss ‘the good old days’, we not forget to embrace the goodness in our lives that replaces what is no more. Enjoy the Divine Miss M (Bette Midler) perform “In My Life”.
Because as much as I will treasure the memories of my old stomping ground, ‘I love you more’.

Millie – I didn’t take offense, so please don’t apologize. After I read your comment I just realized that what I’d said could have sounded insensitive, and wanted to explain a little further… I’m a really thin-skinned person (as I think many of us here are), so I know it wasn’t that I didn’t take offense because I’m not that kind of person. It’s because your comment wasn’t offensive.

Please don’t change your characters because they might make someone uncomfortable reading them. Downton Abbey is really a bit of fluff – when there’s someone there who is unpleasant, I can understand someone deciding not to watch, because there really isn’t an overriding, compelling reason to watch anyway. For me, I kind of like seeing those kind of characters, because sooner or later, they get their comeuppance, and I do love to see that. Granted, Mary’s is a long time coming. There’s also a certain amount of “Well, she’s English, you know” – she could have come right from my family, and fit right in. So maybe there’s a bunch of people who don’t even notice, because it’s just business as usual. At any rate – I don’t see how you have a good story about how people relate to one another, if everyone gets along, and is nice as pie. A story like that, while perhaps pleasant to read, doesn’t have anything to teach me, and not much to capture my interest…

Keep on keeping on…

i just re read one of the Deborah Crombie’s where an incidental character has gone off to Canada, to a little place called Three Pines. Love the crossover!

I enjoyed the first couple of seasons of Downton but not the cattiness. I know we talked about the need for conflict in stories and having a bully or unpleasant person can provide that but ongoing nastiness is just plain wearing!

Especially in a situation where the main catty person is the heroine of the story and the one we’re supposed to identify with! Or at least, sympathise with. In this last season, I’ve put that person in the “love to hate” category, though I still watch, hahaha. The clothes and the sets are so beautiful, and the stories are second to me. It’s the sumptuousness of it all – the last of that kind of thing, it’s interesting to see it as it was at the end…

I watch Downton Abbey to see Maggie Smith, the clothes, and the sets. Lady ” I’m so superior to my sisters” has a very exaggerated opinion of herself.

Just thought of something else. We haven’t had TV for some years now but I did watch the first season of Downtown Abby. I never went further because I found the way the sisters treated each other to be totally offensive. (My daughter said, “Oh Mom, that’s how sisters are”….but I don’t know how she’d know since she and I are both only daughters!!! My mother had three sisters and they would never have been so horrible to each other.) Some people told me that the series was better in subsequent seasons and they didn’t act this way but I just could not get interested in watching it again.

Nancy, whoever is telling you the sisters don’t treat each other that way in subsequent seasons is either fibbing, or hasn’t watched the latest season, as the older girl, who is perfectly lovely looking has just been a witch to her younger sister, and would have sent me sobbing away to another town! And so far, she has only been admonished once by any of the rest of the family… even though they all know something she doesn’t about what’s going on.

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